Brainstormed this one a little with Second Chef, and here, in no particular order, are the Top 5 Five Worst Reasons to have a child.
People do lots of things for stupid reasons; love, jealousy, envy, hatred. But bringing another human being into the world should not be one of them. Nonetheless, stupidity around childbirth seems to abound.
And now that I’m in the position to lecture, I’m going to!
Heh.
Worst Reason One: “To keep us together.”
I’m sure we’ve all heard this one. A couple is in the death-throes of their relationship, so they make the decision to get pregnant in the expectation that a life-changing, potentially traumatic experience will bring them back together.
There’s only one response to this.
“FFS…”
Worst Reason Two: “My biological clock is ticking.”
This is a common one. A woman reaches an age arbitrarily determined by her expectations of life, be it 21, 29, or 35, or 39, and thinks that she’s better get a wiggle one. Mission #1 becomes finding a mate.
Sorry to be so frank here, but anyone who claims this reason isn’t making a decision to have a child, she’s making a decision that her needs should be fulfilled.
I’m expecting this reason to draw the most flak in comments. Let me pre-empt by stating that I know it’s easier for guys (longer fertility), but, read the next reason before you fly off the handle.
Worst Reason Three: “The continuation of the species.”
This one really gets my goat. Someone who uses this reason attempts to justify their decision by regarding their choice to breed as a necessity to ensure the general continuation of mankind. Now, this might have been the case a few generations ago. Maybe 20 generations ago… But there are currently SIX BILLION PEOPLE on the planet. It would take a disaster of epic and/or biblical proportions to threaten humanity.
So how is your wee tacker going to escape that epic fail? Are they named John Connor by any chance?
Worst Reason Four: “My children are my income”
I’ve actually heard this stated as a serious justification for a person’s children. And before I heard it I thought it was some kind of meme propagated by the vast right-wing conspiracy to discredit people on the Domestic Purposes Benefit… I was floored.
And person who stated that, if you’re ever reading this blog, just go out and get a job, you goddamn idiot.
Worst Reason Five: “I don’t want to be the only one of my friends without children”
There are a few iterations of this. But, generally, refer to reason three. I mean… peer pressure as a reason to have children?! What the?!
24 September, 2008 at 7:43 pm
You missed “I was bored” (which I’ve heard)
I’d like to see your “5 reasons TO have a baby” list
24 September, 2008 at 10:13 pm
“I’ll get to blog about it.”
24 September, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Let me pre-empt by stating that I know it’s easier for guys (longer fertility)
Oh, but recent research has shown that pregnancies with an older father have a higher rate of miscarriage than that of a younger father. An older man may still be able to get his woman knocked up, but it’s not necessarily quality sperm.
And consider this: a 50-year-old man may still be able to get a woman pregnant, but how many 50-year-old men have a partner who is 35 or younger? Michael Douglas is an anomaly.
I read an article on Salon about men who’d waited until their late 40s/early 50s to settle down, only to discover the only women who were interested in them were women their age. How depressing!
24 September, 2008 at 11:35 pm
how about “I didn’t really want one but my partner really did so I went along with it and thought well, it might never happen”
between then and the subsequent 18 years … ruing the day…
24 September, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Actually just a note .. that would be ruing the day – but ultimately not ruing the kid, just the impact of it
24 September, 2008 at 11:36 pm
well .. so i’ve heard said anyway@
25 September, 2008 at 2:14 am
i’m here to represent numbers one and two. sort of. except i was knocked up and not purposely acting on numbers one and two. the knocking up resolved numbers one and two.
i would also like to hear the five best reasons.
adding to what robyn said, i recently read article stating that older men have a greater propensity for producing children with autism, bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, and other genetic disorders. something about the replication process of the sperm dna.
25 September, 2008 at 7:13 am
it’s also interesting that women who have children earlier tend to have longer careers. i’ve seen a little anecdotal evidence on this one.
the value of your salary at 25 is a lot less than 35. having children earlier is better.
which could be one of the top five ++ reasons. maybe. will get back to brainstorming.
25 September, 2008 at 7:14 am
@richard. are you suggesting i blog about the privileges select committee? because i’m finding this safe ground very safe indeed, thank you.
25 September, 2008 at 8:45 am
“The continuation of the species.”
But y’know, a lot of those six billion people are like, brown and stuff. So the white race is going to get overwhelmed unless we keep up.
Believe it or not, the DomPost letters column actually publishes stuff like that from time to time. Scary doesn’t even begin to describe it.
25 September, 2008 at 9:20 am
Sorry to be so frank here, but anyone who claims this reason isn’t making a decision to have a child, she’s making a decision that her needs should be fulfilled.
Isn’t that what all parents are doing when they make a decision to procreate? Having a wish fulfilled.
25 September, 2008 at 10:17 am
What Stef said. You can’t have a child for the sake of the child (metaphysically impossible); you have a child for your own sake. It’s which flavour of “your own sake” that’s up for debate at all.
25 September, 2008 at 10:18 am
Oh, and his needs too, BTW. There’s plenty of men who pressure their partners into pregnancy.
25 September, 2008 at 10:36 am
Having baby earlier is better/easier physiologically on the mum as well (yes research backs this up). I also think maybe you have more enegry to cope with the demands of parenthood when you are younger. And supposedly you are still young when they leave home. My brother and his wife had their kids in their early 20s and are now having great time in their 40s. I will be near 60 when my kids are theorectically out on their own!
25 September, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@stef/deborah; yeah, dunno.
“biological clock” is probably more akin to cognitive dissonance than wish fulfilment.
and i’d argue strongly that you have a child to create a family not to fulfil a wish. the trouble is people characterising the fulfilment of the wish as a need, when in fact it is a want.
i find the two are easily confused.
25 September, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Worst Reason Four: “My children are my income”
Can I be a smartypants for a second? That’s exactly what the word “proletarian” means.
26 September, 2008 at 6:42 am
heh. nice call. except the state isn’t actually purchasing their labour… it’s subsidising it.
26 September, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I agree with Deborah’s comment 13…
…but now, moving on to my main point, what’s the photo of Christoper Hitchens, doing up there?
26 September, 2008 at 9:38 pm
…oh, and will typos ruin all my jokes? Even the bad ones?
28 September, 2008 at 6:31 pm
You seem preoccupied with babies. Yet you seem unaware that pretty much everything typable on the topic has already been tapped out on Wellington’s foremost baby blog.
29 September, 2008 at 9:56 am
But not on this bog, and not in these circles, and not about Che’s and Second Chef’s baby.
29 September, 2008 at 4:22 pm
One should not single out particular babies, as mere present-at-hand entities. It is baby-as-baby that one should attend to. (Das Zuhandenheit Kleinkind Lectures, 1921)
29 September, 2008 at 5:29 pm
meh. i let your astroturf on my blog scareof. but don’t patronise or annoy my readers.